Has being laid off and stuck at home for the past month broken me? I suppose that all depends on my definition of broken. My definition is the sense of feeling lost and not being able to decide what I want or should being doing even thought I have an abundance of time and can do whatever I want.(In my house that is.)
Being without a job is nothing new to me. In the past I have quit jobs and couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I was depressed and anxious. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or even with the 24 hours of the day. I was my own definition of broken. This time around, being unemployed is a little different. This time it is of no fault of my own. Unfortunately for most other people they seem to be in the same boat.
To answer the question did this pandemic break me? My answer is twofold, because 2 weeks ago my answer would have been a resounding yes. I was lost, I stopped being productive at all, and I wasn’t even getting myself into my hobbies. I had all this time in the world, but chose to do literally nothing. When you spend a lot of time alone with your thoughts you realize there is a separate person in your brain (maybe it’s just me). Negative Neddy, as I like to call him. He stopped by to hang out for a little while and tell me how much of a piece of shit I am. (were not very good friends.) Which leaded me down a slippery slope that could only end in depression.
Thankfully though there is a second part to my answer (Which leads Neddy to an ass whoopin’). That answer is hell no it didn’t break me! After being lost for 2 weeks I remembered I had a map. (That’s right, Cartographer Myles is what they called me in preschool!) I had been in almost the exact same situation before many times before but worse.
So, I followed my map back to the promise lands, which was a 36 hour trip that included 24 hours of all the self hatred I could handle followed by 12 hours of cleaning (not even close, but drama baby!) That act of cleaning helped me think of something other than my undesirable situation and helped scrub my thoughts and show me the un-majestic path I was following.
Within a day or two I was back writing, reading , working out and walking my dog. Keeping my self active and busy helps with excuses when Negative Neddy tries to come over for a drink. It also helps me stay moderately sane (too sane and your writing sounds like a textbook).
There it is, I was once broken and now I am whole, once lost but now found……..Sorry cliche I know, buuuutttt I am winning now and I hope you are too! Stay safe and thanks for reading!
2020 is well under way and I haven’t started any goals. Mostly because I didn’t make any and also because I have been in a slump. But things are looking up and I would like to set out some to crush.
Goal one is to write for fun and write for me. Something I feel that has always held me back from writing is thinking about making money from writing and having my life changed by being published. It’s nice to have dreams and something to strive towards but it shouldn’t be the reason I am doing it. I started writing for fun. Because I wanted the stories in my head to become something. I wanted to create stories for my significant other. And then it changed. It is time to go back to the beginning and have fun with it.
Goal number two is to find my groove. I have never been a consistent writer. I always write in spurts with long breaks in between. Those breaks always ruin my flow and usually make me want to start something new. I need to get into a daily habit and work on my project. Even if I only write 100 words a day I would be happy. If I ever want to complete a novel in this life time, I am going to be way more consistent.
The number one thing that destroys my confidence and my consistency is always critiquing my work as I go. I always seem to question the story after a few pages and think maybe this isn’t that great or this part just doesn’t make sense. Which has lead a lot of my stories to their unfortunate doom.
So, my third and final goal this year is to be less critical to my work, especially when it is still just a poor little infant.
I have recently started a new project and I am having fun with it. I just need to stick to my goals it should hopefully make it out of the infant stage.
To recap my 3 goals are:
Do you have any goals this year? Let me know! And thanks for reading. Have a beautiful day.
The only time I have picked up my pen This year has been to write for this blog.
There are many reason– Nope. There are many excuses holding me back. I have quite a few Novel and short story ideas on the backlog that very well could be in the process of being written. My pen Just became too heavy to hold.
Lately, the well of ideas (and maybe life) have run dry. Which shouldn’t be a problem because as I mentioned I have a stockpile of ideas waiting to be written. Yet, the lack of new ideas feels like a lack of creativity. Something I fear to be catastrophic to my stories.
Along with my creativity slithering away right in front of me, so too has my passion for those aging stories. Somewhere in time the honeymoon phase faded with these stories. Maybe I was never in love. But now I feel like I have to settle with these because who knows when the next love will come along.
People write blogs as a way to make money and some to help others. I write blogs to practice my writing while trying the spark creativity and confidence in my work. (while loosing money on this beautiful website.) I Wrote this post in particular to show myself how ridiculous my problems are. By writing this I have shown myself the only problem is me.
The pen might be heavy, but if I keep picking it up I will build the strength to carry my stories to wherever it is they need to go.
Welcome back to another book review. As always I will give you my opinion about the story without giving away to many spoilers. I believe reviews should be short and spoiler free. This one is Abomination by Gary Whitta, so lets get into it!
This story is Historical Fiction or Horror or Fantasy or all of the above. This book is set in England, 888 AD when the vikings were invading. The King, Alfred the Great, finds himself in a spot of inevitable defeat. King Alfred’s Archbishop Aethelred comes upon some ancient scripture that taught him a kind of magic, (like turning animals into monsters.) Magic he believed could win the war.
Aethelred seems to be consumed by the dark magic and making the perfect abomination to defeat the Danes that he seemed to have forgotten his humanity. Alfred sees this and tries to put a stop to it. In comes the main character Wulfric, who is the kings greatest warrior, but secretly hates killing.
Eventually Wulfric is cursed to become an abomination every night and live out the rest of his live slaughtering villages and hating himself more and more. The rest of the book is 15 years later, hes found ways to control or rather contain the monster. But when the order he founded to slaughter the beasts stumbles upon his trail it gets harder and harder to stay hidden and keep innocent people safe.
That is about as much detail as I will go into. The way Whitta writes kept me engaged and wanting more. I have read other reviews that the beginning of the book was too slow, but I found it very interesting and fast. It is a fairly easy read, some books I get lost in what is trying to be said but, it was very enjoyable.
It was gory in parts, sad in parts and happy in other parts. Not many books I have read can make me feel even the slightest emotion but, this one did it. You can’t help but feel for the main character, as all he ever wanted was a family and a farm.
All I have left to say is it’s a solid 8/10. I would definitely read it again and would recommend it to anyone who likes fantasy in historical settings or just fantasy in general. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I hope you do too!
Welcome back everyone! Last year I set a personal record and read the most books I’ve ever read. A whopping 11 books! I know an astronomical number. So, This year I set a goal to up my game to 20 books. I though it would be a cool idea to come up with the reading list and come back to it at the end of the year and see how I did!
So, here it is:
Aaaaand there it is, My list of books to read this year. I won’t say it is concrete because a lot of times I just don’t “feel” like reading particular things. I will try and write reviews on the books I read or do a full series review. Sounds good to you? Then follow along! Any suggestions? Like books I shouldn’t read? Let me know in the comments! Thanks for reading!
Hey, everyone! I have officially read my first book (In January!) of the year. and what better way to celebrate it than by reviewing it!
So, here we go! the book I read in January was Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence. This is not the first book I have read by Mark Lawrence but this was his debut novel as an author. I found Mark Lawrence by strolling through the book store and ultimately not wanting to leave until I bought a new book. I had no idea what I wanted to buy or even what I was in the mood to read. So, I strolled through the fantasy section. I picked up Prince of Fools and loved the cover. (yes I always judge books by there covers :p)
After reading the synopsis I immediately thought “I am going to love this book the main character seems like a douche!” Ultimately I did love the book, as well as the other two in the series. at this point in time, I would even say the Red Queens war is my favorite book series and as a by-product Mark Lawrence my favorite author.
After reading the series and expressing my deep love for it, I was gifted the Prince of Thorns. which ended up sitting on my bookshelf for about a year. “why?” you might ask. Well, because I was scared I would love that book as much as I loved the other ones but I didn’t have the sequels for me to immediately drown myself with. So, alas it went unread.
For christmas I was given the sequels! Hallelujah! So, I allowed my self to read away! I will try not to give to much away but, just in case you haven’t read the books or hate spoilers. This is my disclaimer. THERE MAY BE SPOILERS or they may not be……… read on at your own risk.
The story follows a young prince by the name of Honorous Jorg Ancarth. For a boy of fourteen he is very mature.( more so than I am at 28) He’s smart, serious and driven by revenge. He ran away when he was only ten and has been roaming the lands with a group of misfits. they go from town to town pillaging.
Jorg left the castle for one reason. to kill the man that killed his mother and brother. He feels that his father should be more angry and wanting blood but he just sits in his castle. So, Jorg puts matters into his own hands.
I’m not going to lie for about half the book I hated Jorg. He was way more serious than the other prince I had previously read about(prince of fools) I have never been fond of stories about children as I don’t find them particularly believable. Especially when that child is more mature, smarter and all around more put together than I am at double his age.
Throughout the book though you are peppered with his past and the reasons he is the way he is. To get to a black berry you need to get around the thorns. and Jorg has more thorns than your typical black berry bush.
This book is definitely not suitable for younger audiences as there are some very suggestive scenes and at times he can get really dark. I was going to list off all the things I disliked about this book but somehow they all turned into likes. I Don’t care for his so called “Road brothers” they are characters I just don’t care about. well there was once but of course they killed him.
I was going to go more in depth about the book. but I like people to read for themselves. I don’t like giving to much away. If your are a fan of fantasy, especially Dark Fantasy you will love this book. If I were to give this book a rating out of 5 swords I would give it a 4.5. Its not as good of a book as prince of fools in my opinion but its still a damn good book. Jorg is a character you hate in front of your friends but love alone!
Thanks For Reading! If you like this kind of review make sure to give it a like and let me know in the comments!
The meaning of life is a topic many, if not most people have discussed. As time moves forward the meaning always changes. There is no Definitive answer to, “what is the meaning of life?” and that troubles a lot of people.
“The god that we created plans our destiny, Because life without meaning is our sworn, enemy!”-Beast in Black
People make up stories and will continue to make them so that there is meaning to their life. Now, what I am getting at is, what if life had no meaning? How does that make you feel? would your life change drastically? Would it change at all?
The beautiful thing about humans is our quest for answers and the beautiful thing about the universe is its abundance of secrets! its like we were made for each other! We dedicate countless lives unraveling its secrets. Some things have been studied for hundreds of years and still, there is no concrete answer.
Our drive for knowledge and better lives have made us who we are, but why does everything need a meaning? what if you chose the meaning of life? what if you created your destiny and it wasn’t created for you? What if the universe always existed and there was no beginning of time? what if every religions real message was that you were God?
Find your wings and fly
For this plain will be a tomb
At no fault of gods will
But for the traitorous species we have become
One for one and none for all
In 2019 I read 16 books. That’s the most amount of books I have ever read in a year and I am pretty proud of that. (That’s why I mention it every blog :P) With books there is always going to be some you don’t finish, some you read over and over again because you love them so much and some you just hate.
So, like I did last year I would like to look back and choose my favorite read of 2019, with the addition of least favorite read. Every book I read this year -other than one- was fantasy or sci-fi. I don’t typically read outside those genres. But this year I did read an autobiography and its not my least favorite read! But lets hop in to what is my least favorite read shall we?
My least favorite read of 2019 without a doubt is Coldfall Woods by Steven Saville. From the very beginning of this book it didn’t really jive with me but I pushed on to at least half way but I just couldn’t finish it. Its’ set in and uses the same characters as another story by Saville but this is not classified as a sequel. I could be wrong but for the most part it read as a stand alone.
When it comes to writing it can be hard to spot your own mistakes. I can guarantee my work is littered with them. But as of now I am not a published author. This book had an abundance of spelling mistakes and incomplete sentences. Sentences would abruptly stop and I would be confused as to what was happening in the scene. There were also other sentences that just made zero sense but were complete and without errors that had the same impact on me.
Along with the spelling errors there was constant repetition. He always used the same big words like he had just learned them or the same phrase constantly and that bothered me. The whole story is about a “Horned God” and every single time -it seemed- the “Horned God” Was mentioned he was called by all 8 names he is known by. I get it, hes a god of many names, I don’t need to read half a paragraph every time you mention him.
The last thing I want to talk about is one particular seen. This scene was the dagger for the novel. It had to be the most fucked up thing I have ever read. I’m just going to leave a little piece of it here. I am sorry in advance.
The first children dragged him down to the ground.
Their appetite was insatiable.
Danny felt their hands all over him, pulling at his jeans, tugging at the buckle of his belt, at his boxers, lowering them even as more kisses smothered his face. The kisses reached his neck, and as they tore at the buttons of his shirt, down the flat planes of his stomach, not stopping as they traced the tight lines of muscle down to his cock. Tiny hands stroked him as their lips closed on his mouth and more hands covered his eyes.
It ends with a needless description of why the god who now straddled Danny was hard….. again sorry.
Now, just burn that from your memory and lets move on. Choosing my favorite read this year was a bit challenging as I read a lot of books that I really enjoyed. But the series in which I chose my favorite read I have wanted to read for quite some time. I saw the movies when I was a kid and never got around to reading them because I didn’t read much as a kid.
My Favorite read of 2019 Is the Lord of The Rings by J.R.R Tolkien. If I had to specify I would choose The Return of The King. It takes the cake for me because of all the action, even when I thought the action was over there was more.
The reason this is my favorite read is because it was a challenging read for me. From the size of the books -even though half of ROTK is an appendix- to the amount of words that I just didn’t know and had to look up. Some parts of the series I did find a little boring with extremely long descriptions. But these descriptions were laced with history of Middle-Earth and did end up being one of my favorite parts. Just how much history there is to Middle-Earth and beyond and how little we actually know is impressive to me.
I won’t go on and on about Lord of The Rings because I think everyone knows how good the stories are by now. But I would like to also put in some honorable mentions to my favorite read of the year. I have 3.
That’s it, that’s all. Thanks for reading. Let me know what your favorite read of 2019 was, down in the comments!.